Why does that bother me

You know what I really hate is when I piss someone off and they go hangout with someone who likes them and it bothers me cause its normally a I'm getting back at you thing and that bugs the shit out of me cause sure she is alot better than most but hey it wouldn't be the first time that someone has tried this tactic on me and you know what it still bugs the shit out of me cause I mean seriously why do that its stupid and there is no reason to do it especially if your mad I mean this may be worse cause today just kinda sucked and I was just pissed off all day cause first the fat red neck with his nazi symbol tattoo he just fuckin pissed me off so bad i've never wanted to break someones fact so bad in my entire life I just wanted to keep hitting him and hitting him till he bleed and died right there on the spot its people like him that give people in general a bad name, but feeling that rage was just intense I had to completely leave the place cause I was so pissed and I was so close to just punching him and kickin him till he was dead and I just thought that it would be right and just to kill this one fat man I felt that it would do the world some good and the world would be a better place with this fat ugly dumb incompetent asshole gone and I realized its not my place to judge but at that moment I just felt just I just felt that that was what was right and I had to leave because I knew that if I didn't I would beat the shit out of this man like I knew that he would not leave that place if I stayed there and it frieghtend me cause I have never felt such hate or anger cept to my dad and I just realized after the rage and realized what I was thinking was close to being a reality that I had to leave cause I wouldn't be able to control it and that scared me I had never felt that pressure or that anger I knew that I was not me and that he would no longer walk and I just left and that carried with me the rest of the day and I was intentionally going out of my way all day to try and start fights with people for that soul fact of I was pissed and I need to relieve it and I realized that I was a horrible person for doing that and that I right than and there should walk out into the street and get hit by a car but I didn't cause I didn't want oZ or erica to have to witness or see that but I just felt that I should just walk in front of a car and die that me dying would make the world a better place and that I should just disappear from the face of the earth and I'm glad I didn't do it but at the same time a piece of me says why didn't you it says you know you wanted to and that you know you just wanted to be gone and not hurt anyone I really honestly saw that today is the first time in my life that I honestly can't look at myself in the mirror that I honestly hate and dispise myself ...